First I would like to say please don’t let the title give you the wrong idea. I am not going away any time soon. Instead I am writing this because lately I have been in a bit of a funk and I’m not sure how to bring myself out of it. I know eventually as time passes things will return to normal but it’s the time between then and now that I struggle with. I know it’s been awhile since I’ve done anything in a written format but I feel I can get out more of what I want to express in writing then I could in a video. Honestly in my current state I don’t know if I could keep my composure enough to even film anything. So what is this all about you may be asking yourself. Well as the title states it is about saying goodbye.
Recently I came home from work after a long rough day with a simple intention in mind to just veg out and relax. I decided to finally take some time to catch up on some video content from some of my favorite online producers. Because honestly what better way is there to relax after a rough day then to laugh right? Well as I scrolled through the list of videos trying to remember what the last one I actually watched was, something caught my eye and unfortunately rather than finding the laughs I had come there for, I instead found a post announcing that one of the people who was one of my inspirations to start this blog and even give this a try in the first place had passed away. Now I have chosen at this point, out of respect for this person to not share their identity. It is not my intention to be a grief hawk and try to boost my popularity off this person passing or make this in some way all about me. If you are really curious I’m sure it won’t be that hard to find out who this person was.
So why then am I writing this if not to acknowledge this person and their work? I guess the short answer would be to try to understand something more about myself. I did not know this person in any way other than watching their videos and yet I find myself more broken up by this passing then the resent passing of a long time family friend. Why do I put more value in this person life simply because they entertained me then I do in someone who I have knows since I was a child? Is it because the family friend had lived a full life and this person was still so young and had so much more time left and so much more to give to this world? Is it because the family friend had been ill for some time and is finally at peace and no longer in pain? No I can’t even give myself that piece of mind after learning the details of this resent passing because the same thing could be said in both cases. Maybe it’s simply trying to understand why someone who seemed so happy and full of life could come to such an end and at the same time knowing that there is no way anyone other than that person could ever truly understand that moment. I know that no matter how much we try to understand it we never will and even if we did, it doesn’t bring the person back, so all we can do is say our goodbyes and carry on. However I have been finding it hard to carry on when even though unintentional, everything around me keeps reminding me of it. Why is it that in tragedy, things that we would normally pass off without a second thought seem to remind us of the tragedy we are trying to forget? Regardless of how little of a tie they actually have to each other?
Today before deciding to take the time to write this I logged into Facebook and the first post I saw was about mental health awareness week and recognizing the signs of depression. Sure it’s a coincidence right? Just put it out of your mind and move on. However the very next post just happens to be a picture of a worthless excuse for a human sitting back laughing while there infant child plays with a hand gun and has the barrel of the gun in its mouth. A picture I would normally find sickening regardless, however made even worse when mixed into the current context. However I can’t blame the people who posted these things for posting them. They didn’t post them in any context other then what they were. It was simply poor timing of the posts that they landed on top of each other like that allowing my mind to connect them together with the event.
It continued beyond that but I won’t go into any more long winded details about it. I think the one example was enough. However those events are what lead to me writing this. This was simply the best way I could think of to clear my mind and hopefully start to move past this and hopefully get myself out of this funk I have been in as of late. I don’t know if I will actually post this or not. I may just file it away and forget about it. But then again I did take the time to write all this and it has helped a little for now, so who knows.
In closing I would just like to say to all the people who have inspired any of us in any way.
Thank you.
And to all those people who have inspired us that we have lost along the way,
Thank you, you will be missed … and Goodbye.
No comments:
Post a Comment